How a Wink and a Glance can lead to Romance…The Art of Eye Flirting
I once heard someone say that flirting is both a science and an art. It can be subtle, mysterious or out-there obvious. It can be practiced or sometimes instinctual. Either way, flirting is the best way to measure a guy’s interest. Now, there are literally thousands of articles on how to flirt with your eyes, but who has the time to sort through them all? Can every technique work? Will that guy of your dreams just fall into your lap with a wink? Of course not. Unless you’re a magical genie… But for those of us without mystical powers, a little advice may be required.
Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, has conducted research on the flirting techniques used in singles bars, shopping malls, and places young people go to meet each other. Her conclusion:
It's not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles.
In fact, two types of flirting seem to be universal: smiling and eye contact. And both techniques work well on both sexes.
Eye-Eye my friend. The eyes are the key!
Locking eyes is a major signal that you're interested and can make someone even more attracted to you than they would have been. Studies suggest that locking eyes with a stranger for two minutes can actually muster up feelings of passionate love.
The best thing about eye flirting is that anyone can do it and it’s a fun and safe way to gauge someone’s interest without the pressure of making the first move.
♥ For those of you new to eye flirting, we suggest a first step, the Casual Glance:
Casually stare at the object of your interest. Don’t make it too obvious. Just work it into your natural body language or regular movements. Keep repeating this, at least three times, suggests Dr. Albert Scheflen, who has conducted a study on the most commonly used flirting techniques. Exchange a couple fleeting glimpses, then, when the person you like finally stares back at you with curiosity, lock eyes for a second and look away immediately. This shows them the interest is there, but that you’re still playing it cool.
♥ The Staring Game: Now, it’s time for the second part of the casual glance. This is where you move into more extended eye contact. But first, you have to build the excitement. Men won’t value anything which is achieved too easily. So, instead, make them work for it, at least a little. Stop staring for a couple of minutes, then, wait for them to stare at you. The person you like will wonder why you aren’t staring anymore and may check back to see if you’re still staring. By doing this, you’re actually making the one you like as interested in you as you are in him. That’s the goal of the staring game.
♥ Now, that you’ve got his eye, you’re ready for the Extended Gaze and it’s a powerful tool. If done well, it will signal your interest, even across a crowded room or bar. If done incorrectly, it could easily veer into creepy-gawker territory. You want to make sure you do it the right way:
To begin, try to establish eye contact a couple of times. The object of your focus will begin to get the impression that they’re being watched, which can be sexy or disturbing, depending on how you do it. To avoid sending the wrong impression, make sure to smile. If you give them a smile it shows not only romantic interest, but it also exudes confidence and friendliness, which is super sexy.
Once you’ve made eye contact and smiled a couple of times you should be able to better assess the situation. If they smile back, then you might have your ‘in’. Then, you should probably go over and introduce yourself.
♥ The Extended Gaze doesn’t work on everyone. Sometimes shy guys will not want to make eye contact straight away. Yet, they may still be interested. To find out if he is, try the more subtle approach, Eye checking:
To determine if someone is looking at you more than the normal amount, try to provoke a response by directing their attention. Check your watch or look out the window, then, see if they do the same. If they do, chances are they were looking at you in the first place and that’s why they followed your lead. Time to go over and say hello…
♥ The Dance-Floor Up and Down: This look simply says ‘I think you’re hot’. It’s direct and sexy, but it’s a serious move because it sends a strong message. To pull this one off, first establish a connection with your intended guy. Get their attention by looking directly into their eyes. Now with them looking at you, break eye contact and look down the length of their body to their feet then back up again at their eyes and smile. Essentially, what you’re doing is signaling that you’ve ‘looked them up and down’ and you like what you see. Even if the one you’re staring at looks shocked or looks away hastily, don’t get discouraged. They may need just a little more time to warm up. Head towards them anyway and one of two things will happen: either they’ll reciprocate your feelings or they won’t and then you move along to the next lucky candidate.
♥ The Reverse Eye Flirt is also a neat one to try. But, caution! This move is for the more experienced eye flirters. We suggest you get the basics down before you move on to this one:
First, notice the person you like from the corner of your eye. Don’t stare directly, but keep an eye on him and wait for him to look at you. And just as he does that, stare right back. You’re now discreetly making it appear like he’s the one interested in looking at you, and not the other way around!
♥ The Sexy Wink: Dating blogger, Erin Meanley, suggests a wink for those who want to send a stronger signal. “The wink can be friendly or cutesy, but if you really want to stop him in his tracks, modify it. Try the slow wink. You close your eyelid and then open it slowly, and at the same time roll your shoulder forward and lift your chin, like you’re laughing in slow-motion. But,” she cautions, “know that this move is lethal…You might as well give him your room key.”
♥ She also suggests something we like to call The Vixen Stare: Hold his gaze and think of all the sexy things you would like to do with him and you’re intention will automatically flow through your eyes. “This works,” says Meanly, “But don’t stare him down. Hold the gaze for no more than five seconds, and make sure to smile.” And she says it actually works! “It’s like a green light. You’re silently expressing interest and inviting him or giving him permission to come over.”
Now, what do you do when all this eye flirting has earned you a straight pass right to your guy’s attention?
Watch His Response.
Is this person looking at you as often as you’re looking at them? If they are, it’s working and you’re on your way to a fun evening. If the one you like isn’t reciprocating your glances no matter what you do, they’re not interested, so give up and move on. There’s plenty more fish in the sea and you’ve now got a killer lure (your eyes)!
Acknowledge His Interest.
Drop a few signs to get him over to where you are. If you’re taking a trip to the ladies room alone, look towards the ladies room when he’s looking at you, look back at him, smile and get up. Walk slowly and look at him one more time as you walk by.
Be graceful and if you’re the one walking over, move with poise and confidence. Men are psychologically programmed to “zone-in” on this kind of movement. That’s why strippers move the way they do and don’t do techno dancing. It’s also important to look healthy, even before you worry about looking attractive. Get plenty of rest, eat sensibly, drink water regularly and take care of your physique. Need a little help trimming off those extra inches? Try our Inch Loss Body wrap or Body Shaping treatment. That little loss could boost your confidence and confidence is the sexiest trait!
Our suggestion? Enhance those Killer Eyes!
What better way to put pizzazz in your eye contact than a little enhancement of the eye shape? No wonder ladies have worn mascara for ages! Accentuating those lovely lids adds focus to your gaze. It welcomes guys in and invites them to follow. Even better? Try some Lash Extensions! They last much longer than your mascara, enhance the eye shape and when you wake up alongside your man the next morning, they’ll still be there and you can hook him again with your sensual gaze!
Permanent Lash Liner also works in the same way. Pioneered by Élan Beauty, this permanent make-up treatment enhances your lash line and gives the impression of thicker, darker lashes without using temporary means like mascara or even falsies! And there’s no obvious line above your eyes, so it looks natural and your man will never be the wiser!
What to do next? Any more secrets to flirting? You’ll have to wait for the next part in our flirting series: Body Language, the secret to securing that important first date.
Sources: (Images: from Top to Bottom: Lies Thru a Lens - 'Elizabeth' via Flickr; Alex via Flickr; Lies Thru a Lens - 'Elizabeth' via Flickr; Alejandro Martinez - 'Soft' via Flickr)
- The Simple Flirting Technique That Really Works By Kate Moriarty; Women's Health Magazine Online; url: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/flirting-techniques
- 11 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Flirting by YourTango; Women’s Health Magazine Online; url: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/flirting
- How to flirt, according to science By Eric Barker; theweek.com; url: http://theweek.com/article/index/258896/how-to-flirt-according-to-science?utm_source=links&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=twitter
- He Says, She Says: Flirting Moves That Work (and Ones That Never, Ever Will) By Erin Meanley; glamour.com; url: http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/04/he-says-she-says-flirting-moves/1
- Eye Contact Flirting Techniques By Mack LeMouse; url: http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/11623/1/Eye-Contact-Flirting-Techniques.html
- 10 Subtle Eye Contact Flirting Moves That Work By Sarah Summer; lovepanky.com; url: http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/get-flirty/subtle-eye-contact-flirting
- Flirting Body Language; url: http://psychologia.co/flirting-body-language/