Men: Don’t FAIL that First Date!
MORE Tips on How to WIN your Date’s Heart
(Hint: it may have something to do with what’s in your wallet)
Part 2 in our First-Date Series for Men!
Last week we gave you fellas some tips on how to Ace your First Date and we have even MORE secret wisdom to impart! Bump up that A average to an A+ by reading our Dating tips Part 2 and learn what every Man should carry in his wallet! You might be surprised, it’s not what you think.
Ways to ensure your First Date is a WIN and not a FAIL...
To mix it up, we’ll start with things you should AVOID, in other words, the Fails:
Keep the Conversation Honest, but not TOO honest.
If you really like this girl, you probably want to impress her. How else will she agree to a second date? You may get the urge to add a few white lies to your life resume, just to keep her interested. But luring her in with false statements is NOT the way to go. Maybe you haven’t climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro or waded through the Amazon, but never lie to impress your date. “Just as you shouldn't misrepresent yourself online,” says eHarmony, “don't tell ‘little white lies’ in person to make yourself more fascinating.” This includes showering her with cheesy compliments that aren’t genuine. “When you pour it on too thick,” explains eHarmony dating experts, “it comes across as disingenuous and maybe even a little suspect. You don't want her thinking, ‘What is this guy after?’ This woman wants to know you. She booked a date with you, not some fictional guy. Be yourself. After all, you want someone who will like you for who you are, not what you have to offer on paper.
On the flip side, being Too honest or blabbing Too much is also to be avoided. You don’t need to tell your date everything about you, all at once. Yes, you want to prove that you’re a great guy to hang out with. So, you tell her all about your crazy and hilarious adventures. “But, spare some loving and exploring for later. You don’t want her to know everything about you on the first date,” says eHarmony. “Give her a chance to learn more about you by herself. Let there by mystery in your togetherness, and let her wonder what else you have in store for her.” That way, you’re almost guaranteed a seconddate!
Bringing up Sex Too Soon
We are aware that you may have broached the subject pre-date. A lot of guys get sexual too quickly. By the second or third email, they’re already asking for a sexy photo, but that’s a big mistake! In both online interactions and on first dates, bringing up sex too soon can be a big turn-off. We’re not saying that flirting is out. A little naughty comment here and there can be playful and fun. But, “if you mention anything overtly sexual in your first few emails, phone calls, or dates, you're going to be seen as a person who is fixated on sex and that creeps most women out,” say eHarmony experts. While we all agree that sexual compatibility is important, you have to look at things from your date’s perspective. She’s probably met dozens of men who were only after sex. If that’s what she wanted, she could probably get it elsewhere and she wouldn’t be pay a dating site for something that she could easily get in a bar or club. So, if she’s with you, she’s probably looking for a real relationship and the first thing she’ll do is filter out the ‘sex only’ guys. “Most women believe that discussions of a sexual nature are best left for when you know each other better,” says eHarmony, “and certainly not during an email exchange or a coffee date.”
Don’t be Cheap, Cheap Cheap – the Mating call of the Stingy Bird is NOT Attractive!
Ever since the feminist movement, men seem to think they’re off the hook when it comes to paying the bill. But, even the most independent woman still wants a gentleman when she goes out on a date. To be fair, modern dating etiquette can be confusing. Should the man pay? Should she pay? Should you go Dutch? Especially when it comes to first dates, this can be a grey area, since you’re still in the ‘getting to know you’ phase and you might not know what she prefers. There’s a pretty simple rule when it comes to dating: the person who asks, pays. That being said, first dates are traditionally paid for by the man, though that assumption is also debatable in modern times. “Some guys insist, others don't,” says Men’s Fitness Magazine. One thing all men agree on? “Choosing to pay or not pay... shouldn't be a make-or-break when it comes to dating.” Discuss it with your date beforehand, and establish who’s paying up front, so there won’t be any nasty surprises when the check comes.
But, if you’re going to take care of the bill, don’t be cheap! Do not bring coupons or park 17 blocks away to avoid paying a valet. Shopping for the best deal is never frowned on and being conservative with money can be a sign that you’re responsible and mature with your buying decisions. However, if every activity is all about finding the stingiest alternative, nothing is ever fun and soon your date will move on to someone who’s less money-obsessed.
Extra Tip? Don’t tip poorly! According to experts at match.com, “If you’re paying for some or all of the bill, you can bet the other person will notice how much tip you leave.” Coming off as cheap or ungenerous is not attractive, so, however you choose to pay, tip well. “Even if the service sucked, tip well,” says Men’s Fitness. You can save your complaints for your buddies, but don’t make a scene by stiffing the staff.
Use those Awkward Moments to Diffuse the Tension
Hopefully, you won’t spill wine on your date or run into your not-so-recent ex. It’s a first date, anything can happen. You can guarantee there will be moments that are awkward, embarrassing or filled with silence. Or your tablecloth could set on fire...But don’t despair! Use those moments to check in with your date and ask her how she likes things so far? If the response is not so good, don’t be afraid to make light of the situation. Diffuse it with some humor. “The best first-date move that a guy ever used on me was when, at the second we were about to kiss for the first time, he said, ‘On an awkwardness scale, how would you rate this moment?’ It totally broke the ice and warmed us up to each other,” explains Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less. She calls this a ‘conscious conversation,’ where you openly acknowledge any uncomfortable moments that crop up. “First dates are always anxiety-provoking on both sides,” says Slotnick, “but when you can talk about that elephant in the room, it breaks the tension.”
Reach out and Touch Someone
We’re not contradicting ourselves. I know in Part 1 of the First-Date Series for Men we asked you to keep the octopus hands to yourself. But, in the early stages of dating, a little touching can make all the difference, as long as it’s subtle. “If you’re interested in creating some chemistry fast,” says Sari Locker Ph.D., a sex educator, TV personality, and author of the bestseller, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. “One great way to let your attraction be known without touching too much, too soon [is to] try a simple knee tap or arm brush during a conversation. Deploy one of these brief gestures after your date has told a funny joke or to emphasize a point you’re making.” Apparently, according to Locker, this tactic worked for Cara from New York, NY, who wrote in to her, saying: "On the first date I ever had with my boyfriend, he kept reaching over to touch my knee when I would say something that piqued his interest. For example, I would mention that I loved ‘Family Guy’, and he would reach over, touch my knee and say: me too. I TiVo every episode! It wasn’t a corny knee massage kind of thing but more of a gentle tap he kept doing to let me know he was into me."
That should be your aim guys. Subtle and mysterious will have them coming back for more!
Ditch the 3 Day Rule
We are not talking about when to have sex. That’s a different topic altogether. What we mean is: Ditch the silly notion that you have to wait to call your date! “If you had a fantastic first date, call on the way home to say, ‘Thanks for the great time’ rather than waiting a few days,” suggests Liz H. Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting. “Tell your date that you know that you’re breaking all the first-date rules, but you wanted to call anyway. This simple move shows you’re not into playing head games, which will wow a first date.” Even better? Ask to see her again before the first date ends! Some men might worry that this move is too aggressive. You’re into her, yes, but you don’t want to come off as over-eager. That could turn her away, right? Wrong. Girls actually like it when a man is straight-forward. “I like it when [a guy] asks me out again at the end of a date,” says 32-year-old Melissa Wright of Sterling, VA. “Not just a general ‘Let's do this again’ but a specific ‘Are you free for dinner on Thursday?’ It shows he's interested, and it takes a lot of the anxiety out of wondering if and when he's going to call.”
Extra Tip? If you’re interested in a second date, but you don’t know how to say it without coming on too strong, perfectmatch.com suggests: “Don't be shy. Say, ‘I had a really nice time and I'd like to see you again.” It’s simple, to the point, and if she says yes, then great! If she says no, then, at least you tried. “[And be] fearless,” says perfectmatch.com. “Like ripping off a Band-Aid, it's best to get it over with quickly. If rejection is coming, it's coming.” But, if that spark is there, you probably won’t be disappointed. A second date is sure to follow!
STOP! Style Check!
According to several sources on fashion, dating and relationships, here are the 5 essentials EVERY man should have in his wallet for that all-important First Date (Besides a condom, which is just good planning):
- Chapstick: Dry, chapped lips are the worst. Not even just for kissing, but they’re terrible to look at.
- Phone Charger: Remember: Keep that phone off during your date! However, you may need it later, to text your friends, call a cab, or get directions home. So, pack that cell charger, just in case. Or get an adapter for your car, so you can charge it on the go.
A tissue or a handkerchief: Seems weird huh? But, a runny nose is never appealing. Plus, girls never expect a guy to have some on hand. And won’t she be impressed when you whip one out to dust off her seat or clean off a puddle on the park bench: Very gallant!
Deodorant: First dates + anxiety= Sweat. And sweat stains on your dress shirt is not the fashion statement you want to make. If you have odor problems, shaving or waxing your armpits could help, since it removes the hair that traps moisture and bacteria against your skin, which causes bad odor. But, if you’re not ready to wax, keep an extra stick of deodorant in your car or in your pocket, if you can. There’s nothing wrong with going to the bathroom to stealthily re-apply.
- A Deck of Cards: We told you at the beginning this wasn’t your usual list. Bring something you can share with her, “a random conversation piece, that is fun or unusual or even weird and quirky," suggests Chiara Atik, author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide. “A deck of cards is a good example: 9/10 times you won’t take them out, but every once in a while, when the situation is exactly right, when you’re just drunk enough, or feeling goofy enough...the best, most surprising thing you can do is suddenly say, “Want to play Go Fish?” and bust out a deck of cards.” Just get the timing right, she says. “But, when you do, it totally ups the level of your date. Because now it’s the two of you, laughingly playing “Go Fish” in the middle of a bar, together.” Something like that is sure to be memorable!
That concludes our First-Date Series for Men!
We hope you try a few of these tips and tricks. We also recommend you do a little grooming before your date number two. You never know when those pants will come off and you don’t want her having to search through a thicket of fur to get some skin to skin contact!
Book a wax, laser hair removal or electrolysis to remove unwanted body or facial hair (including those fuzzy patches on your ears or neck). And if you really want to impress your date, enhance your newly smooth skin with a PCA facial for men or complement your efforts with a Men’s Brazilian- now that shows commitment and a certain degree of bravery- something your lady is sure to appreciate after all she’s done to make sure she looks good for you!
Guys: If any of you have advice you want to share with your fellow daters, comment on this article and give us your best first date advice and/or first date stories!
Even if they’re embarrassing, we want to hear from YOU...